I want to share with you the recorded webinar that I recently was a guest on. I have done several webinars, but this time I felt that the information was so vital and pertinent that I asked the host if I
could share this private YouTube link with my All Things Possible community and she agreed.
In this one hour webinar I share great pieces of information as well as tools for improving your communication as well as raising intimacy. I will not be covering intimacy in this article, but be sure to watch the entire webinar, as I share great tips and ways to raise intimacy easily and quickly!
I train and keynote on Communication Inside Out all the time with Corporate and Personal clients and I always start with the basics. What I have found over the years is that most communication problems are started by not knowing or following basic principles and they expand from there. The other huge issue we have with communication is that we allow ego and emotion to take over. Once ego or emotion gets involved in communication, your skill level just went out the window. For this particular part, we are going to focus on the foundational areas that will give you instant success if you will implement the information. A huge key here is to be able to assess where you are personally, and I mean take an honest look, and take action on improving your communication skills in several areas.
I teach that there are two types of Communication: Confusing Communication and Complete Communication. Let me go into this a bit for you.
I consider confusing communication to be any type of communication where there is an unclear message or a negative message during that conversation, or when the conversation is over. It is when things are unclear, questionable or upsetting. It is when there is judgment and harshness, as well as the silent treatment. It is when you feel that you have no voice as well as not using your voice. It can be when you are spoken to, not spoken with. There are probably a thousand ways to explain Confusing Communication, but allow me to give you a list of things to get your mind thinking about this and considering where you are in this area of your life as well as how this is effecting you in your relationships, your job or business and even with your productivity. Confusing Communication comes from things like:
- not speaking up for yourself
- not speaking your truth
- finding fault with the other person
- jumping to conclusions
- having expectations
- being in judgement
- not paying attention to clues like body language, voice inflection & attitude
- playing the blame game,
- being dishonest or having a lack of integrity
- not taking accountability
- not being interested in the other person
- putting yourself first, rather than putting others first
- not being respectful
- being impatient
- being irresponsible
- poor listening skills.
That is quite a list, yet it is probably just a drop in the bucket. What you will find is that a lot of them
come down to negative emotions or negative ways of being, and yet how often do we allow this to come into play in our everyday conversations as well as in our very important moments?
Complete communication is when we have clarity, focus and listening all going on at the same time. It is when we are being non-judgmental and are filled with genuine concern and interest in what others have to say or in what they are talking about. It is about LISTENING completely and not trying to come up with our answer or opinion before they are even through with their statement. It comes from your heart. It comes from living positive traits in your life and having good genuine concern for other people. Let’s face it, it has a lot to do with all of the traits that we have been talking about already. It involves good values being put in place and lived by, as well as being conscious of our actions and alert to see where we can improve.
Complete Communication comes from:
- High level of Integrity
- Courageous Confidence
- Accountability
- Being your word
- Holding yourself and others to a higher standard
- Being open and willing to listen
- Nurturing and effective in your skill
- Being accepting and non-judgmental
- Being observant and aware of body language
- Being aware of what is going on
- Finding clarity and confirming what you heard
- Being filled with Lasting Love (Unconditional Love) for others.
Everyone wants to know,” What’s in it for me”, right? This has become a huge thing in our world right now. Have you ever considered, “What’s in it for THEM?”
- What’s in it for them to be in a relationship with you?
- What’s in it for them to do business with you?
- What’s in it for them to be your employee?
- What’s in it for them to be your joint venture partner?
- What’s in it for them to listen to you?
- What’s in it for them to be associated with you?
When we can raise the bar and show others through our communication that it is a different experience working with us, it will attract more clients, retain more clients and employees. It will create our relationships to be lasting and meaningful. It will improve your marriage and your relationship with your children.
One of the most influential factors to improving our communication is Consistent Consideration.
One Saturday at noon, I was still in my pajamas, a serious case of bed head and yesterday’s mascara now much lower on my face. I was in my back office writing my book,” 7 Traits to CHANGE Your Life & Your World”. It was the first Saturday I had not been out of town speaking or at other obligations in six weeks. When all of the sudden the doorbell rang. NOT the front doorbell, but the back doorbell! That meant someone was standing at the glass doors looking right into the kitchen which just happened to be the room next to me. There was NO way out without being seen. I was the only one home! So, I did what any sane person would do, I stood up and peeked out the wood blinds to see if I knew who it was. Of course, I did not recognize the truck in my driveway. So I fluffed my bedhead and rubbed the mascara out from under my eyes and walked to the door.
There stood a teenage girl with a plate of cookies. I opened the door and she said, “The youth group in our area is spreading the love today and we thought of you!” I immediately felt valued, respected, recognized and then there was that ahhhh moment!
How would this make you feel? Are you showing Consistent Consideration?
- How often are you making others feel that ahhhh moment?
- Are you doing things that are unexpected?
- Are you recognizing others and giving compliments?
- Do you consistently send Thank you cards or notes of appreciation?
- Are you giving others a pat on the back and noticing them for their good work?
- Are you good at managing expectations in your workplace and at home in your relationships?
All of these above suggestions would have huge impact in your relationships, your communication and in your success. May you take an honest look into your own communication and your way of working with others and see where you can make some adjustments and changes to create the relationships that you desire in your life.
Watch this webinar and dial in on creating better communication in your relationships today.