Truth be told, after working with hundreds of clients over the last five years or so, I have yet to meet anyone that would not benefit from more, better, deeper, healthier intimacy. Which leads us to sharing our topic with you today; “3 Ways to Ignite Intimacy.”
Intimacy is HUGE in a relationship. In fact, the basic definition of Intimacy is close familiarity or friendship; closeness. I also found, a deep connection, a closeness with safety.
The synonyms for intimacy are, closeness, togetherness, affinity, rapport, attachment, familiarity, friendliness, friendship, amity, affection, warmth and confidence. All of us want more of this in our lives!
Now, increased intimacy will not guarantee more sex, BUT if you ignite your intimacy I guarantee you will have more sex! But, let me be clear. True intimacy is not about more sex. It is about connection, a deeper relationship, safety and commitment, closeness and affection which give you confidence and trust in your relationship.
I have 3 Ways to Ignite Intimacy that if you will implement them into your life on a regular basis you will see improvement almost immediately! You will IGNITE your Intimacy to unbelievable levels, Here are the 3 Ways:
- 10 Touches
- Edification
- Highs, Lows & Tomorrows
It doesn’t really make sense until we dive into each of them with some explanation, so here we go.
First, we have 10 Touches. What this means is that you have physical touch at least 10 times a day with your significant relationship. There is all kinds of research and proof out there that backs this up. Human touch is essential to raise intimacy. Human touch has an energy exchange between two people that creates a surge of energy. Think about a hug with someone, don’t you feel closer to that person after giving and receiving a hug? Think about a hand shake. There is a connection
created with even a stranger upon giving and receiving a hand shake.
In an intimate relationship, ten touches creates chemistry between two people that then creates a desire for one another. It creates connection, passion and purpose together. Think about when you are dating and you cannot touch each other enough….you are holding hands, kissing, sitting on each other’s laps, sitting so close that you are touching arms, hips and legs. You are naturally drawn to each other and you cannot stand to be apart! This is the connection you want and desire, yet we wonder where it went. We begin to think maybe we are not attracted to this person, or perhaps we are a bit too familiar and the desire has diminished. Not true. Start faithfully doing ten touches and watch the desire and passion begin to flow like crazy! This is about connection. It is about creating desire and closeness.
Ten touches can be easy, if you are willing to pay attention to it. This can be a kiss for good morning, a fun fondle when you pass by each other. It is a hug and kiss goodbye as you begin your day and a kiss and hug 
when you are back together that evening. This is holding hands to walk into a meeting or into the restaurant. It is holding hands while sitting by one another to watch tv or even eating. It can be a back rub, and massage or even just a rubbing of the shoulders to relieve stress. It is cuddling together as you go to bed. It is easy! Just get in 10 or more every day! Watch our video to get other ideas and more information of this one.
Second, we have Edification. Again, this is a proven fact. Search it out if you do not believe me.
What I want to specifically point out is that we ALWAYS strive to edify our significant relationship. This means that we build them up. We recognize and acknowledge their qualities. We show gratitude towards them. We speak gratitude to them and let them know how we feel. We learn their Love Language and show them love in their own way. We build them up rather than tear them down and remember to acknowledge them for the good they are in our life.
Think about it, how do you feel when you are acknowledged for what you do, appreciated for your efforts and 
recognized for your contributions? It works both ways! All of us need to belong. We need to be recognized and we yearn to be appreciated.
Remember that we all love to have fun. Make life fun together. Allow humor to play a big part of your life and enjoy your journey. Even when your life is not roses and easy-peasy, we can still enjoy each other and the strength of having an intimate relationship that gives us the love and connection we thrive for.
Third, we have Highs, Lows and Tomorrows. This one takes a bit of explanation. To set the stage I must first begin with the set up. This one requires a few things:
- Go to bed together at the same time
- Create a safe place for “pillow talk” or conversation
- Playing Soft music (can add a great effect, but is not necessary)
- Avoiding interruptions, like cell phones or a tv playing in the bedroom
- Lights out or dim
These need to become a ritual, meaning, you need to do these every evening as you go to bed. How this works is that you are setting this up to be a safe place of uninterrupted communication. Each person gets to take their turn and share three things.
- Their low for the day. (What went wrong, hurt your feelings, caused you doubt, made your day difficult, added stress, etc.)
- Their high for the day. (What went right, made you happy, cause for excitement and celebration, what did you accomplish, what did you do well.)
- What are you creating tomorrow?
This process is done without controversy or argument. The person sharing gets to share their day from their perspective and point of view. The person listening gets to just take it in. No defending yourself or countering why it happened, etc. Just allow the person talking to be heard. This process is only a few minutes. Do not drag it out with a huge story and nitty gritty details. This is just a recap, get it out and complete your day.
Allow touch to be a great connection for this time together. Communication through touch is powerful and I promise that this will raise the intimacy as well as beyond that! Closeness and the opportunity to be heard and understood gives a person validation and courage. It also allows us to belong and be okay with having good and bad things happen and gives us a chance to state what we are creating for the next day. Watch our episode to get more details on this part of the process. This is a powerful piece that will impact your relationship at a completely new level!
I encourage you to watch our episode about this topic. It will assist you to hear and see this information as well as read it. This is a powerful process that will immediately work for you! Learn the “3 Ways to Ignite Intimacy” and love the relationship you are in!