Does your relationship need some Revving Up? Are you stuck in a rut and doing the same thing all the time?
Relationships flourish when you are willing to make them a priority and find ways to keep it fresh and alive! No one likes spending time in a relationship that is boring or feels old and heavy. Everyone likes to have spice in a relationship and have it feel fresh and new.
Bill and I have been married for almost 34 years and yet just the other night while walking into the movies together, he leaned over to me and said, “I love being in a relationship with you! It is so much fun and you keep it interesting and new!” What I can tell you is that it feels that way for both of us, but only because we are both willing to make the effort and are always trying to keep it fresh and new. Be willing to make the effort in your relationship to have it be what you want it to be!
There are probably a hundred ways to improve your relationship, but let’s talk about the “3 Ways to Rev Up Your Relationship” that I feel rank high on the list.
1. Make it Fun
There are so many ways to keep it fun and real, but if you do not work at this, it is one of the easiest to overlook. Some of the areas that come to mind easily are things like date night. Are you having fun dating
each other? In the video for this episode we talk about a recent Valentines date to the theater, where we wore Pirate costumes. It was definitely different and was a lot of fun too! (You’ll have to watch the video to get the whole story.) We also talk about all the fun we have with vacationing. We both love to spend time together and we love to vacation. But, we both like to do different things. I like someone else making my bed and cooking for me, Bill on the other hand prefers sand in his bed and the smell of exhaust. Okay, really he has loved the sand dunes with ATV’s and snowmobiling, boating, motor homes and even rock crawlers! Do not get me wrong, I like all of that too, but I had to decide to like it and go have
fun doing it, just like he had to decide he liked cruises and sitting on a beach without a motorized vehicle to drive fast across the sand!
Making it fun includes being able to laugh together and even being silly at times. (To see more of that, watch to the end of the video and do not miss the bloopers!) Laughing is always the best medicine and can make every day feel brighter. It also includes being willing to enjoy the hobbies that the other person enjoys. They don’t need to be your favorite, but be willing to try something new or do what the other person wants to do.
2. Quality Time
Every relationship needs to make this a priority. You MUST have quality time together and to have it regularly, it needs to be scheduled and prioritized into your schedule. Make a set date night. Have regular communication, like “pillow talk” every day where you can discuss your day and what is going on in a safe place. Make regular time away together, whether for a weekend or a trip every year. Set goals together that have quality time together and work on this together. Keep the romance alive and well! One of the best ways to do some of this is to go to bed together. Yes, the same bedtime! This is crucial in a relationship. Add that pillow talk and focus on communication besides the intimacy and love that can surround you together in a safe place.
3. Intimacy
This one probably has your attention, right? What I can tell you is that this needs to be emotional intimacy as much as sexual intimacy. You need a balance of both. I am the first person to tell you that a sexually active couple is a happy couple. It is true! But I also want to tell you that a person needs to feel safe, loved and understood to want to be sexual.
If you want intimacy to increase, start with 10 touches! It is the fastest way to raise intimacy. (Watch the video to hear more about this…it is one of the first things I go to when I am working with a couple who wants to increase intimacy.) Also, Ladies…if you want things to increase, be willing to be the instigator. Men are naturally more driven, but if you want to spice it up….be the instigator.
Always kiss goodbye and leave each other with an I Love You. We all want to be told that we are loved and there is no excuse to not use this! Make it a habit. Even on the phone, we end it with a Love you, goodbye. Saying I love you is powerful and it needs to be said often. Do not assume that the other person knows that you love them and they do not need to hear it. We all need and desire to hear it. You can not ever say it too much.
Keep your relationship safe! Remove criticism. There is no place for this in a relationship. You can have discussions, you can make suggestions of things to work on without criticism. We get to stop being
judgmental and negative with each other. We get to be positive and supportive with each other. I am serious. Try going a whole day with just positive and supportive comments and then build it up from there. Can you go a week? How about a month? It will surprise you just how much you are attracted to that great guy you are telling your friend about when you are building him up and telling about all his great characteristics rather than tearing him down and telling everyone else about his faults! We all have faults. Sharing those instead of their qualities is crazy! Build trust between yourselves and allow it to always be important.
I know I have given you a lot of information. My wish is for you to put it into action. Take the steps you need to take to have the relationship of your dreams and the life you enjoy.
Join us in our video this week and learn the “3 Ways to Rev Up Your Relationship!”