Can YOU “Love Yourself First?” That might sound like a loaded question, but it is not. Having real love for yourself and acceptance of yourself is so important.
We must have self-love, self-respect and have a healthy dose of self-confidence. This shows up in everything that we do.
We have all heard it, at least a hundred times…we need to love our selves. But after working with hundreds of clients, this has not been the case. Across the entire board, self love is not at a healthy level.
In this world of ours we live a fast paced life and are on the go continually. For most of us, adding one more thing to our plate is not going to happen, yet what I can tell you from experience is that if you will focus on truly loving yourself, your entire world will change!
We all know that we are our own worst critic and that we are harder on ourselves than we would ever be on anyone else. It is amazing that we would not stay friends with someone that treated us as badly as we treat our self or talk as mean to us as we speak to our self and we would not consider having a relationship with anyone that was as judgmental with us as we are with ourselves! Yet we listen to what other people say to us and what their opinion is about us and they do not even have all of the information or the criteria to place such an assessment! In fact, something that I teach all the time is this: What other’s think about you or say about you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
Let me quickly explain this. They are not living in your shoes, they do not have all the information, including the struggles you are going through or the challenges that you are facing at this instance. They also do not have your same values or beliefs and are judging you according to their own criteria. After all, all they know is their own experience, beliefs, values and challenges. They are in judgement from their own perspective of you and your situation. So how could they be accurate in an assessment of you? Crazy truth and yet we fall for it all the time! Think about it, when was the last time that you got hurt, offended, or ticked off at something someone had to say about you?
A lot of our fear comes from our need to have outside validation or approval, as well as wanting to fit in, be liked and of course our essential need to belong. But along the way, we lose ourselves and our love for ourselves and begin to even hate our self. I know this from personal experience! For years I actually hated myself! I did care what other people thought and said. I let it control a big portion of my life. I struggled with judgement and self-sabotage. It is real! I know you know what I mean, or you would not still be reading this. I went through years of working on this problem. I hated myself, not just disapproved or kind of didn’t like me…I hated myself. People think this only happens to you if you are not successful, but I call hogwash! I hated myself:
- As a student with a 4.0 GPA.
- As a friend, a sister, a wife and a Mother.
- As the Director of a Daycare & Preschool.
- As a successful multiple business Owner, Real Estate Investor & Entrepreneur.
- As a Professional Model.
- As a Leader in many different positions.
It did not matter!!!!! Yes, I was successful. No, it was not all the time.
I did some amazing things, and I will be the first one to tell you that I was a good sister, daughter, mother, and wife. Yet I was also the queen of pretend. Pretend like it is all going great, pretend that I have it all together, pretend that I thought I was enough.
So, what changed? ME!
I had to decide that I had had enough and I wanted things to be different! I had to get to the point that the pain was bad enough that I would do something different. I made the decision to change myself. I trusted the process and did what it took to have a different outcome!
Are you ready for change in your life? Are you willing to do things differently to have different results? Is it time to change how you feel about you? You do realize that it is only hurting yourself and your loved ones that are closest to you by you feeling this way, right?
How many times do you feel that you will love yourself:
- When I am thin
- When I find a significant relationship
- When my hair grows out
- When I no longer have acne
- When I have a new vehicle
- When I own my home or get a bigger house
- When this pair of jeans fit
- When I am a size___
- When other people see my value
- When other people approve of me
- When other people respect me
- When I am the Leader of the group (work/community/church etc.)
There are thousands of scenarios for this. What are the things you are saying to yourself or thinking that will bring you happiness?
I do not want to burst your bubble, but they DO NOT WORK! Stop the “if only” and “when”. It is NOT working for you.
How do you learn to love yourself? How do you begin to change this vicious cycle you are in? I am glad you asked. (ha ha) Here is a quick list of 13 Keys you can start doing today! 13 Keys to change the way you feel about yourself. Easy Peasy, right?
- Be willing to feel the pain and do something about it.
- Forgiveness. Forgive others and forgive yourself!
- Raise your Integrity. Build trust with YOU!
- Service! Serve Others-Get outside of yourself and serve others.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Be accountable.
- Journal about your shortcomings and find solutions.
- Create healthy boundaries.
- Consistent Self-Care. You time.
- Celebrate every accomplishment! Even the small ones. Stay in accomplishment mentality.
- Spend time in Nature regularly.
- Focus on your attributes, abilities, successes, and talents.
- Let go of the baggage, the failures, the shortcomings, your unhealthy history.
- Change how you feel about the past. Find the Gifts in that Garbage.
This is a fantastic place to start to have real success! This is by no means a complete and comprehensive list, but this will make a huge difference in your life even if you only implement 2 or 3 of these suggestions. Imagine if you were to put all 13 in place. You would be amazed at your progress and success!
This picture of me says a ton…before I loved myself, I would not have ever posted this picture, and now it lives on my website and social media for all to see. Not as a braggy, boasty, conceited, “look at me”, but rather a happy, go-lucky, confident, lover of life and purposeful me.
Watch this video as I go over the 13 KEYS quickly and give you insight, perspective, and ideas on what you can do today to change how this is affecting you.
Join me in loving yourself more. Allow yourself to see you as others see you. It is a great thing when you allow it to happen and find out just how amazing you are. It will also allow you to show others how to treat you!
By loving yourself fully, you believe in yourself and what you can accomplish, you trust yourself and stop second guessing your choices or goals, you stay in accomplishment mentality because you are seeing your success, you love others more fully, you get out of judgement and into unconditional love.
In the video I share a story about my husband posting swimsuit modeling pictures on Facebook and how it opened my mind at how many people really do need to hear my story. Thank you for being here with me. Good luck in your journey of loving yourself more freely and shifting to, “Love Yourself First!”