It takes two people to have a conversation or a disagreement. When you have Conflict, are you like Kermit the Frog in this picture? Today we are talking about Conflict Resolution Tactics Part 2 – Accountability.
We have found after working with hundreds of people that there is a lot more Blame than Accountability when it comes to communication or resolving conflicts.
“I have found that we create our reality. And when we recognize what we are doing, and make the corrections needed—we can be happier, healthier, and more successful!” ~Kris Barney
Let’s talk about Accountability VS Blame.
There are two sides to every conflict, and it is rare that one side is completely to blame and the other side is completely without blame. So, when you find yourself in conflict with another person, ask yourself honestly, “What is my part in this?” If you can start the conversation with, “I see how what I have done contributed to the problem we are having.” You have taken the first step toward your accountability to the situation. When you do this, it allows the other person the opportunity to take personal accountability for their part in it too.
Too many times we play the blame game and start pointing fingers at what the other person said or did to offend us and get all caught up in the drama, rather than taking personal ownership and accountability of our part in it.
Taking accountability is a huge step toward resolution. The more accountable we are the swifter we can create the change we want.
A few months ago, we had a Presidential Debate. It was a complete disaster! Everyone came away from this debate being embarrassed that the two men who are being considered for the highest office of our Nation were name calling, disrespectful, negative, blaming, accusing, belittling, and interrupting rather than talking respectfully and telling us what we could expect in our future and why they would be the better opponent. This was a bash session that we can hardly call a debate.
To have positive Progress, we get to be solution providers and look for ways to communicate more proficiently. We need to be able to say things such as; “I feel like __________________when you said ________________, rather than just being accusatory to that person. Also acknowledging what they are saying and feeling will allow for the other person to be heard and valued. When you change the context of your communication to be less threatening and more understanding and accepting it will come across powerfully and respectfully. This will take the “sting” out and allow for conflicts to be resolved easily.