Have you ever lost a loved one suddenly and realized that there were things that you wish you had the opportunity to say? Have you wished deep in your heart that you had not left things unsaid or undone?
I got that phone call. The kind that punches you in the gut. I could not breathe, I ached from everywhere in my being. My nephew was dead. He had taken his own life. Suicide! Again!!! He was just 26 years old. This was not just “one of my nephews”, but this was one that we had taken into our home and loved as our own during his teenage years. How could we lose my twin brother and now his son both to suicide? How could we be going through this again….
22 years and 5 months ago, I went through this same horrific experience. I got a phone call to tell me that my twin brother had taken his own life! Suicide. That was a huge punch in the gut, to put it nicely. There was no time to say goodbye or love harder because there were no tomorrows. There was not an opportunity to change what had happened. There was no way to say anything else to him. It was done and I was left with this gaping hole in my heart and in my life.
I would be lying if I told you that it was not traumatic and if the 35+ foot dark skid mark on the road from the truck that ran from the end of my driveway past two neighbors, did not bring tears to my eyes and hurt in my heart every day for weeks. But what I can tell you is that I was better prepared. I was not “regretting” the things that I had not done, but rather, I was remembering the memories that I had created and the things that I had done on a more conscious level. This really can make a big difference!
