It takes two people to have a conversation or a disagreement. When you have Conflict, are you like Kermit the Frog in this picture?
Today we are talking about Conflict Resolution Tactics Part 2 – Accountability
We have found after working with hundreds of people that there is a lot more Blame than Accountability when it comes to communication or resolving conflicts.
“I have found that we create our reality. And when we recognize what we are doing, and make the corrections needed—we can be happier, healthier, and more successful!” ~Kris Barney
Let’s talk about Accountability VS Blame.
There are two sides to every conflict, and it is rare that one side is completely to blame and the other side is completely without blame. So, when you find yourself in conflict with another person, ask yourself honestly, “What is my part in this?” If you can start the conversation with, “I see how what I have done contributed to the problem we are having.” You have taken the first step toward your accountability to the situation. When you do this, it allows the other person the opportunity to take personal accountability for their part in it too.
Too many times we play the blame game and start pointing fingers at what the other person said or did to offend us and get all caught up in the drama, rather than taking personal ownership and accountability of our part in it.
Taking accountability is a huge step toward resolution. The more accountable we are, the quicker we can create the change we want.
During the presidential election in 2020, we had a presidential debate. It was a complete disaster! Everyone came away from this debate embarrassed that the two men who were being considered for the highest office of our Nation were name-calling, disrespectful, negative, blaming, accusing, belittling, and interrupting rather than talking respectfully and telling us what we could expect in our future and why they would be the better opponent. This was a bash session that we can hardly call a debate. Immediately following the debate there was absolutely no accountability at all on either side.
The purpose of a debate is to highlight the differences between the two parties or their ideas. Most times when a debate tactic is used there is a winner and a loser. When applying Conflict Resolution Tactics, both parties can come away as winners and effectively work towards a common goal or a positive resolution. We like to compare these as Debate Tactics VS Solution Providers.
When you consciously try to be a Solution Provider it will surprise you how well you get along with almost everyone! It will improve your relationships, allow you to enjoy interaction with your family and friends and even make going to the store an experience that you enjoy on a higher level!
Let’s work to get away from the “I’m Right You’re Wrong” approach. Seriously, no one in their right mind even likes this! This is something that we learn over time during our childhood and it should be taught to everyone that it does not work.
To have positive Progress we get to be solution providers and look for ways to communicate more proficiently. When we are able to say things such as; “I feel like __________________when you said ________________, rather than just being accusatory to that person. Also acknowledging what they are saying, and feeling will allow for the other person to be heard and valued. When you change the context of your communication to be less threatening and more understanding and accepting it will come across powerfully and respectfully. This will take the “sting” out and allow for conflicts to be resolved easily.
The Three Key Points of Accountability in Your Conflict Resolution Tactics:
- Take Immediate Accountability
- Avoid Debate Tactics, instead be a Solution Provider
- Use a New Approach: Use statements such as: “I feel like___________________ rather than “You always do ______________!”
Watch this week’s video to gain insights on this and if you missed part 1, it was last week, go check it out. Join us next time for Conflict Resolution Tactics – Part 3 – Identify.