We have all heard it, at least a hundred times…we need to love our selves. We must have self-love, self-respect and have a healthy dose of confidence, right?Yet my real question for you is this: “Do You Even Like Yourself?”
In this world of ours we live a fast paced life and are on the go continually. For most of us, adding one more thing to our plate is not going to happen, yet what I can tell you from experience is that if you will focus on truly loving yourself, your entire world will change!
We all know that we are our own worst critic. We are harder on ourselves than we would ever be on anyone else. Would we stay friends with someone that treated us as badly as we treat ourselves or have a relationship with anyone that was as judgmental as we are with ourselves? Of course not. Yet we listen to what other people say to us and what their opinion is about us and they do not even have all of the information or the criteria to place such an assessment! In fact, something that I teach all the time is this: What other people think about you or say about you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Let me quickly explain this. They are not living in your shoes, they do not have all the information, including the struggles you are going through or the challenges that you are facing at this time. They also do not have your same values or beliefs and are judging you according to their own. All they know is their own experience, beliefs, values and challenges. So how could they be accurate in an assessment of you? Crazy truth and yet we fall for it all the time!
A lot of our fear comes from our need to have outside validation or approval, as well as wanting to fit in and be liked. It is our essential need to belong. But along the way, we lose ourselves and our love for ourselves and begin to even hate ourselves. I know this from personal experience. For years I actually hated myself. I did care what other people thought and said. I let it control a big portion of my life. I struggled with judgement and self-sabotage. It is real! I know you know what I mean, or you would not still be reading this. I went through years of working on this problem. I hated myself, not just disapproval or dislike…I hated myself. People think this only happens to you if you are not successful, but I call hogwash! I hated myself:
- As a student with a 4.0 GPA.
- As a friend, sister, wife and Mother.
- As the Director of a Daycare & Preschool.
- As a successful multiple business Owner, Real Estate Investor & Entrepreneur.
- Even as a Professional Model.
It did not matter! Yes, I was successful. No, it was not all the time. I did some amazing things and I will be the first one to tell you that I was a good sister, daughter, mother and wife. Yet I was also the queen of make-believe. Pretend like it is all going great.
So what changed? Me. I had to decide that I had had enough and I wanted things to be different! I had to get to the point that the pain was bad enough that I would make a change. So, are you ready for change in your life? Are you willing to do things differently to have different results?
Is it time to change how you feel about you? After all, it is only hurting yourself and your loved ones that are closest to you by you feeling this way.
How many times do we feel that we will like or love ourselves;
- When I am thin
- When I find a significant relationship
- When my hair grows out
- When I no longer have acne
- When I have a new vehicle
- When I own my home or get a bigger house
- When this pair of jeans fit or when I am a size __
- When others see my value
- When others approve of me
- When I am the Leader of the group/work/community/church
- When others respect me
There are thousands of scenarios for this. What are the things you are saying to yourself or thinking that you are hoping will bring you happiness? I do not want to burst your bubble, but they DO NOT WORK! Stop the “if only” and “when”. It is NOT working for you.
How do you learn to love yourself? How do you begin to change this vicious cycle you are in? I am glad you asked (ha ha). Here is a quick list of 13 things you can start doing today. 13 ways to change the way you feel about yourself. Easy Peasy, right?
- Be willing to feel the pain and do something about it.
- Forgiveness. Forgive others and forgive yourself!
- Raise your Integrity. Build trust with YOU!
- Service! Serve Others-Get outside of yourself and serve others.
- Take responsibility for your actions. Be accountable.
- Journal about your shortcomings and find solutions.
- Create boundaries.
- Consistent Self-Care. You time.
- Celebrate every accomplishment! Even the small ones. Stay in accomplishment mentality.
- Spend time in Nature regularly.
- Focus on your attributes, abilities, successes and talents.Let go of the baggage, the failures, the shortcomings, your history.
- Change how you feel about the past.
This is by no means a complete and comprehensive list, but it is a fantastic place to start and to have success!
Watch my video episode as I go over these quickly and give you more insight and ideas on just what you need to do. Join me in loving yourself more. Allow yourself to see you as others see you. It is a great thing when you allow it to happen and find out just how amazing you are.
In the video I share a story about my husband posting swimsuit modeling pictures on Facebook and how it opened up my mind at how many people really do need to hear my story. Thank you for being here with me. Good luck in your journey of loving yourself more freely and getting beyond the question, “Do You Even Like Yourself?”